How Far I've Gone
by blackfeather157
Summary: Moana, sixteen and ready to defy rules and her fathers orders, will journey across the sea, find Maui, shape-shifter, demigod of the wind and sea, and restore the heart of Te Fiti. But, will she break from the pressure and expect before she even gets the chance? Retelling of the story in the way I feel it could have gone. Will contain self-harm/suicide attempt. PLEASE TAKE CAUTION!
1. Dread

"You have to choose someone else." I choked out. I wasn't enough. I nearly got Maui, my best friend, killed. **I** nearly got killed.

"You _have_ to choose someone else... **PLEASE**." My voice cracked and tears blurred my vision. I shoved the Heart closer to the Ocean and adjusted it to sit in my palm. My heart was breaking slowly and painfully. I knew I wasn't enough. I knew the Ocean was wrong to choose me. I may want to satisfy my urge to voyage, but...

 **I couldn't restore the Heart.**

Slowly the Ocean leaned forwardand burbled in concern.

"Please." I breathed, barely audible over the lapping of the waves against the canoe,and the quiet sea breeze. The tears freely flowed down my face as it contorted bitterly and my vision became obscured. I tried to blink them back but it was futile. I let out a strangled sob and watched as the Ocean leaned closer and slowly reached my outstreached hand. It stopped just short and hesitated. As if it was thinking or pondering. I felt it close the distance and press against my palm, taking the Heart as gently as it could.

As it receaded, I couldn't hold it in any longer as I watch the Heart disappear beneath the gentle waves and my legs collasped beneath me. My knees hit the deck and my body violently shook with grief. My tears blinded me, my eyes stung, and iched but I made no effort to relieve the terrible sensation. It felt like my world was collapsing to sufficate me and my mind started to fog over and darken. My mind droned on a soundless note and my body buzzed with numb chills. My palms, clasped in fists, sweat profusly as I struggled to stay afloat.

All I can think is how my actions caused Maui to nearly loose his life, his hook. I knew I lost him, and my heart threatened to shatter my ribcage just to escape the pain. I let out a tormented scream as I curled in on myself till my throat was raw and dry. I couldn't swallow and I couldn't breathe right. I heaved short lungfulls of air as my head spun and spiraled out of control. My mind raced, replaying how Maui looked at me with fear and anger. The way he yelled to turn around and escape. His cry as I ignored him and fought for control of my own demise.

 **A/N:**

 **Alright, I just want some crit. and some helpful tips. I want to get better at this. I have more down but I'm not submitting it until I see interest.**


	2. Tides

Ever since I can remember, I've stared at those clear waves as they lapped against the jagged rocks of my island, Motonui. They tempted me, to climb into the nearest canoe and sail to the farthest reaches of the never-ending sea. I've always wanted to go out past the reef, just to know what is beyond it, but my father, the chief of our village, forbids it. Not even the fishermen, who are experienced in those sparkling waters, go beyond that line. I turned sixteen two days ago and I still cannot do what I've always wanted to do.

My father's deep, rumbling voice echoes in my mind, _"No one goes past the reef. You know that Moana."_

Sitting atop the only flat rock extending over the shore, I huffed a exasperated breath. Propping my head up with my palm, I cast my gaze to the tiny waves below me. The weak lapping against the shore seemed more alive today, like it would climb up the shore and sprout feet. It seemed eager, for what I wouldn't know.

My heart always breaks when I sit here. Honestly, I don't know why I continue to sit here each day and torture myself.

 _'One day, I'll know what's beyond that line.'_ I think to myself.

I'll travel far, discovering new islands and maybe even meet Maui, the demigod of the wind and sea. I dreamed every night of those waves, the wind pushing me forward and the sun urging me forward. A smile ghosted across my lips as I fell into my daydream of adventures I would one day experience upon the dark waters.

A voice broke my trance so suddenly that I nearly pitched forward into the surf. I took a breath to steady my beating heart, cold adrenalin coursing through my body. My father's call sounded again, summoning me to the council fale. I swung my legs under me and hopped to my feet. I gave the sea a forlorn gaze and turned to go. A feeling of a presence made me hesitate. Slowly, I turned back, not knowing what to expect. It was as if the wind forcefully sucked my breath from my lungs.

It was a flash of movement so quick that I wasn't sure that I truly saw it. Spinning fast enough to give me whiplash, my hair blinded me. Swinging it out of my face, my feet carried me swiftly into the dense foliage and entered the bustle of the village daily routine. My mind raced and I couldn't shake the suspicion, as I padded into the council fale, that what I saw was true.

That what I saw was a blob of sea water looking at me.


	3. Dream

Chapter 2 ~Dream

 _My vision hazed as pain flared throughout my back and wrapped around my core. Distantly, I heard a voice, and it was screaming my name. I painfully staggered to my feet, glancing up as a dark shadow blocked out the sun, revealing the monster I faced as it loomed over me. Baring it's teeth, I caught a sight that forever seared itself to my eyelids. Limbs sticking out from in between it's many rows of serrated teeth. Blood stained it's lips and chin from a seemingly recent meal, it's breath smelling like copper and rotting meat. It's maw widened and my stomach rolled, but as much as I wanted to run, my legs were locked into place. It's gaze pierced into my thoughts, poking at my secrets, ripping them open and spilling it's contents and rendering my exposed and defenseless. In one final attempt to block the prying eyes I took one final look at the monster and I turned to stumble out of the monsters reach. I made it two steps before I was swept off my feet by the claws of the beasts, air deafened me and my vision swam. I landed with a sickening thud, hearing a snap, pain exploded and bloomed around my side, as stars danced across my vision and I screamed for the first time. Clenching my teeth, I rolled with a groan I swallowed, tasting blood. I had bitten my tongue. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the monster approach. I had no time to react before the ground fell out from beneath me as I was lifted by my feet, jarring my side. I could only watch through the dark haze with dread as the ground got smaller. Time seemed to slow as the world spun and once again I was airborne as the beast raised me over his head. In an instant time returned as I was slammed against the rock face. I shrieked as its large paws slammed into my chest and midsection, effectively shattering every bone and crushing my insides, and pinning me to the cliff. I coughed and choked as all the air in my lungs left in one large, painful rush. Blood forced its way into my mouth, trickling down my chin. Giving up to fate, I awaited my death as it leaned in close and stared at me with those hungry, human eyes. I closed my eyes and I held what little breath I had waiting for its teeth to sink into my body. My eyes snapped open to darkness as I heard the last thing I knew I would ever hear as I dropped into the abyss. A deep, rumbling voice as old as time spoke, "Wake up, sea gem. Your time is now."_

I woke with a start, a strangled scream choking me. I sat up, panting and cold, with the nightmare still on the edge of my conscience. Dripping with sweat and trembling I struggled to steady myself. I felt hot tears cling to my cheeks, but I let them fall. Breathing steadily becoming erotic and jarring, I whimper. My mind buzzed and a tingling sensation started in my scalp, slowly crawling down to my face. Shutting my eyes tight I tried to push the image of the blood and fear from my brain. Curling tightly in on myself, I cried. Every damn night this happened. Nightmare after nightmare, restless night after restless night. For months, I dealt with this alone, not telling anyone, because I'd just burden them with another problem. I didn't want to upset anyone or stress them out with another issue, especially of something like this.

Heaving several shaky breaths, I managed to control my heavy frantic heartbeat. Slowly, I mentally picked myself up, building my inner walls, and adorning my happy disguise of a smile. It was like routine, get up, cry, put on my mask, pretend to be happy, go to bed, relive my nightmare, rinse and repeat. I can't remember the last time I didn't fake my smile, hiding my true feelings, and doing what ever I have to in order to appease my village, my family, my fiancé.

I never said it but, Kaohi scares me. He hates that I love the ocean so much, and has done everything in his power to prevent me from going to it. Whether it be by forcing more work on my shoulder, grabbing me and pushing me home, or locking me in my room for days on end. He adorns a disguise like I do, but his is different. He pretends to be kind, caring and gentle in front of the villagers, but as soon as we are out of sight and alone, he's a completely different man.

 _His muscles ripple, the tattoos decorating his dark skin spiraling like whirlpools, face contorting harshly into a furious glare. His eyes narrow, filling with hostility, as he corners me. He starts to shout, pointing out my mistakes._

 _"_ _What in Te Ka's name was that? You were completely out of line to speak to me in such a way, you whore! After all I've done, this is how you repay me? Not once have you thought of anyone but yourself, you're so incredibly selfish! Not only do I have take care of the village problems because you are completely incapable, but I have to keep you in line as well as not to embarrass me! It's a wonder that your parents even kept you this long, even if it's out of pity."_

 _I flinch at his words, my heart breaking with each word, and I open my mouth to defend my self, but I never got that far. I'm on the ground before I know what hit me. I suck in a quick breath as searing pain, blooms across my face. The beginning of tears blurring my vision as I fight back the urge to fight back. I couldn't, because I was the chiefs daughter and I had to submit to my husband to be. I furiously blink back the tears, biting my cheek and drawing blood. I couldn't let him see me cry, I could not show him weakness._

 _He had never hit me before. I look at him, hoping I'd see some compassion, maybe concern because it was an accident. No, I saw no kindness, no sympathy, not even regret._ _All I saw was fury, and something that made my stomach drop with fear. I saw sadistic enjoyment. Fear wrapped around my heart in a vice as he leaped onto me, pinning me into the sand. Rocks biting into my back, I bit back a groan trying to keep up my façade._

 _"_ _Now, you deserve a suitable punishment for being so disobedient, whore."_

 _I try to shove him off, do anything to stop him from hurting me further. That rewards me with another punch to my already sore jaw. My head snaps to the side leaving me dizzy, on the edge of unconsciousness. I glance at his raised hand and watch as it comes down upon me, and I brace myself._

"Moana!"

My mother's voice cuts through my nightmare as she shakes me awake. Somehow I had fallen back asleep. I crack my eyes open, wincing at the harsh daylight shining through the screen. I groan, covering my eyes with my blanket, turning away. I hear my mother's smile through her huff as she padded over to me and kneeled down so she was pressed up against my side. She rubbed her lightly callused hands in relaxing circles along my back.

"Nightmare again, I presume?" Her motherly concern shining in her question. Somehow she always knew, whenever I needed her.

Heaving a heavy sigh, I nod and felt the beginning of tears pricking my eyes. I tried to hold my strangled sob back as she increased the pressure on my back. I hated my weakness, the way I'd cry over the smallest things. I silently cursed myself and all my flaws, angry that I was dealt such a shitty hand.

In the distance a conch sounded, signaling a storm. Quickly, my mother rose from her spot beside me, leaving my skin yearning for her warmth. After securing the shutters and sealing the door, she asked, "Are you doing alright, Moana?" I opened my mouth to answer but was cut short when she added, " Don't lie to me. Are you truly doing alright?"

The words died in my throat as my shoulders slumped. Swallowing heavily, I shook my head, tears freely falling now. Truth be told, I wasn't doing well at all anymore. At first I thought, it was over, I don't need to worry about him anymore. That hope was brutally murdered after the neighboring village, his village, demanded I marry him. He rarely visits, due to my father's warnings, but as soon as I am sworn to him, it's over. I'll be his slave, his toy to break.

Truly, I'm scared.


	4. Authors Note

p style="text-align: center;"strongspan style="text-decoration: underline;"emOMG!/em/span /strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongThank you so much for the reviews! Honestly, I never thought this would get any attention! /strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongI squealed when I saw that I had span style="text-decoration: underline;"em20/em/span reviews. /strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongIt's a lot in my case, span style="text-decoration: line-through;"you know, because they are my first reviews./span/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongYou can understand my excitement./strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongOn that note, I am pleased to announce that I have several chapters ready to edit but will take time. /strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongSo, bare with me and thank you!/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;"span style="text-decoration: underline;"strong!P.S. Give me some inspiration and maybe some ideas! It'll help the writing process!/strong/span/p 


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